James Bartholomew Fartwell graduated with the lowest marks in his class.  Faculty often complained that he was more interested in being a cutup than taking comedy seriously.  He was infamous among his teachers for his penchant for flatulence.  During his tenure, many a professor would bend to pick up a dropped sliver of chalk and James would provide a humorous, though inappropriate, sound effect.  It was said that he could fart in different pitches and tones, as often as he wished. 

As a school legend goes, a classmate once wagered a shiny apple that Jimmy could not fart fifty times in succession.  Fartwell rose to the challenge, farting not only fifty times, but sounding out “Dixie” as he did so.  This stunt, occurring during House Prayer, nearly had Fartwell expelled.  However, he was allowed to finish out the term, and the professors were all too happy to see him go. 

His prospects in the real world weren’t good; he had no wit to speak of, and was useless as a joke writer.  It seemed that his constant cheese-cutting had caught up with him.  But Jimmy never stopped believing in his ability to “let the foul ones fly.”  What was an academic liability became a sensation on the vaudeville stage.  Jimmy headlined at minstrel shows and circuses across the country.  The whole of our Great Republic delighted at his “Farting William Jennings Bryan Impersonation,” or his “Renditions of Stephen Foster Farting Ditties.” 

So great was his popularity that he earned a private audience with President Theodore Roosevelt.  After pulling Jimmy’s finger, TR was heard to remark, “By jingo, that’s some bully gas!  Big stick!” 

In 1917, Jimmy’s country called, and he patriotically answered.  He joined the Navy in the fight against the Kaiser.  Tragically, his career came to an abrupt end when a torpedo from a German U-Boat grazed his submersile, The Poppin’ Fresh.  The Poppin’ Fresh would have been able to withstand such a minor hit, had it not contained an unusually high concentration of methane.  In 1928 Jimmy’s life story was immortalized in the talking picture, He That Dealt It.  The film is available on DVD to members of the WPSA’s Movie Club.  Call 1-816-WPSA MOVIES.